Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
