my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
