The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize