last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
