Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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