So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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