Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
