I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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