I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
