What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
