Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
