I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
