Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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