my mouth tastes like poor choices
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
