well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
