All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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