before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Come see our sink grown plant.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
