I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
