what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
