Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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