she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
