that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
