I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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