I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
