Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
