Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize