Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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