There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
