No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
