chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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