After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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