i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
