if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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