Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
God I need to hump something, right now.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
