Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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