Don't you send me to vm
he puts the penis in happiness.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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