Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
