We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
