haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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