i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
