woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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