Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
