I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
