R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
And then he peed in my hair
I did not marry a roomba.
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