ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
