dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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