U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
