This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I didn't notice because vodka
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
