hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
