I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
