i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
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