found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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