Your face is a jimmy john
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
