I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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