Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize