Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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