I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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