I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
