remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
