i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
