cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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