opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
