Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
