i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
